I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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