Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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