i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
