there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
