I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
