Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
