i wish peter jackson would direct porn
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
