Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
