i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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