I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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