Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
