How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He did a backflip because drugs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
