these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
