best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
