Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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