My first STD was from a foam party
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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