i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
