I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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