i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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