I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
