Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
