Well douche your snatch and let's go!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm at about main and main street
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
