He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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