I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
