I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
