who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
