I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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