Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I could fuck to npr.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
