did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
