and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
