4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
