my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
