Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
