i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
