i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
