Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
