Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
