It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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