just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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