Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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