Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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