also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
