my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
