4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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