dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
