and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
