U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
