I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
