ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
