This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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