you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
