omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize