He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
