I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
