38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God, I missed his penis.
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