Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
