Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
