Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
