it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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